Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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