I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
