She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
