Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
