I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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