He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
i black out too much to be "responsible"
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
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