I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
