Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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