I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
