Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Randomize
