just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
