a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
