I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
