pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize
