this just has baby written all over it
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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