woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
two words: eviction party
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
