He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
