mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
