Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
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