Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
