I just made out with a guy for $7.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
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