Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
