This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
