i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
