Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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