the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
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