we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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