oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
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