I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
