Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
