i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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