I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Randomize
