yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
