Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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