I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
