so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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