She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
is this the sara with the beer cane?
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
