I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
