Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Randomize
