Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
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