As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
