if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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