; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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