Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
