If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
