I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
My vagina just recognized that song.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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