so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
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