Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
