I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
