he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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