Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
